Volume I: Tryst
by VioletHills
Summary: A touch was just the beginning.
1. It

**Tryst**

_Summary: A touch was just the beginning_

_A/N: Takes off from __**3XK**__. (Yeah, I know.) This story is fluff, angst, and romance rolled up into one neat package and although this chapter does not warrant an M rating, please note that subsequent chapters will – the story gets more, let's say, _racy, _so run away if you are underage or do not like sexy times! (C'mon, who doesn't like sexy times?)_

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**Chapter 1**

(It starts off innocuously as these things do.)

.

When she had placed her hand on his leg that night, it was partly to let him know, _"I'm here for you" _and partly to reassure herself, _"He's here with me"_.

Kate had driven him home. Had even gone up to his apartment with him because he had seemed a little lost. The keys hadn't even had time to turn in the lock when the door had flown open to reveal a very anxious Martha and an equally nerve-wracked Alexis. They had both engulfed Castle from both sides, Martha chattering about how worried she had been when she had heard him say, "I love you" to her on the phone. And then, to Kate's surprise, Alexis had rushed towards her and hugged her fiercely as well. "Thanks for saving my dad," she had said.

.

The next day, Kate doesn't call him when she gets a new case.

"Where's Castle?" Lanie asks when she arrives at the scene.

"I didn't call him." Lanie's eyebrows rise. "He had a rough night," Kate explains.

"I think he's going to be pissed when he finds out," chirrups Ryan from behind her.

"Shouldn't you be at home recovering or something?" A hint of sarcasm tints Kate's question.

"Definitely pissed." Esposito says, adding his unwanted two cents to the conversation.

Kate waves at the crime scene in front of them. "Can we concentrate on the murder, please?"

.

That night, by the time Kate deems herself too tired to analyse the evidence anymore, it is 9 o'clock. She stops to pick up some take-out on the way home and is too preoccupied with not spilling the two bags of Chinese food in her left hand as she wrangles her keys with her right to notice the figure sitting outside her doorway until she's practically on top of him.

"Castle!" He jumps up at the sound of her voice. "What are you doing here?"

"You had a case today."

"What? How – "

"You only leave the precinct this late when you have an unsolved case." He helps her with the bags of take-out so she can open the door. "And you've ordered an obscene amount of food for one person because you've forgotten to feed yourself today."

She rolls her eyes. "Very astute, Castle."

Kate locks the door behind her and takes off her jacket before joining Castle in her kitchen, where he has already started unpacking the food and rifling through her cupboards for a plate and cutlery.

"Thanks," she says, sitting down at the table. She starts picking at some noodles with her chopsticks. "Did you want some?"

He sits down beside her. "No, thanks. Alexis made chicken cacciatore tonight."

"Of course she did." Silence descends as she chews and his gaze varies from watching her chew to examining her new apartment. Castle is too quiet and that worries her. Finally, she asks because he doesn't tell her. "What're you doing here, Castle?"

He fidgets with the edge of one of the take-out bags. "Alexis disappeared on me once. Did I ever tell you that?"

Kate doesn't know where Castle is going with this story but she shakes her head, no, and lets him continue.

"She was little. Meredith had already left and I was dating Gina by then. The three of us had gone Christmas shopping on 5th Avenue, you know, where the big FAO Schwartz is. Alexis had been so excited and she had run off ahead of us into the store. Except when we went inside after her, she was nowhere to be found." He pauses as if trying to remember the details. "I had been frantic, running all over the place thinking she might have gone into another store. And Gina… Gina kept telling me not to worry, that we'd find her eventually."

"You did find her eventually." Kate has stopped eating.

Castle nods. "The cops found her next to a dressed up Santa Claus who was collecting money for the Salvation Army down the street. She was trying to tell him all the things she wanted to get for Christmas."

"Obviously, she was okay."

"But the thing that bothered me the most, even while I was frantic, was what people kept saying to me. That everything would be okay. That I shouldn't worry or over-think things and let my imagination run away with me. It's like they couldn't even begin to understand what I was feeling and what I was going through." Castle met her eyes then. "Gina, especially, because Alexis wasn't her daughter and she had never had kids of her own so she could never understand the _fear_ of it all."

Kate places her hand on top of his, the second voluntary contact they've made in as many days. She knows why he's told her this story now and it kills her to think that Castle has joined a club that Kate had never wanted him to be a part of. Because Castle is not a cop. He shouldn't have to know what it feels like to have a killer get away with murder. He shouldn't have to feel responsible for any of the _future_ murders that the Triple Killer is likely to commit.

Castle grips her hand. The same grip she had felt by the pool yesterday night. "I tried to tell her. Gina. She was mad at me today because I seemed _different_." Castle's voice takes on a bitter tone that Kate has rarely heard him use. He's usually so chipper and optimistic. It normally makes her want to club him over the head with cruel reality and now she thinks how she could have possibly wanted that for him. "She doesn't know the feeling," he says, an echo of her words from before.

Her chair scrapes as she pulls it closer to him. He turns to the side to face her. "I'm sorry, Castle."

"For what? You didn't do anything. In fact, you came to my rescue. Again." And both of their lips turn up into faint smiles at that.

Kate leans forward in her chair, her elbows resting on her knees. She looks down at their hands – somehow finding that they've been clasped together. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this. You're not even a cop."

"But, I follow one around for a living." Kate hears that classic Castle charm edging back into his voice.

She doesn't bother to counter him or take his obvious bait to change the topic. Instead she says seriously, "You can talk to me, you know. Anytime. I understand what you're going through."

"I know."

She releases her hold on his hand and sits back up to resume eating. When he finally leaves, hours later, he kisses her on the cheek and she lets him. She thinks it's an apology for barging in on her evening and he thinks it's a thank you for listening. It seems innocent enough to both of them and they don't think about it until two days later when they realise that that had just been the beginning.

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_A/N: The story is not really this dark but I just wanted to set up where their relationship is coming from. __Also, I wrote that scene of Alexis getting lost before the show had Castle tell a similar story a couple of episodes ago… am I psychic or what?_

_Anyway, **please review and tell me what you think! Should I bother to continue? Is there interest?**_


	2. He

**Chapter 2**

(He needs her.)

Castle calls her two days later in a near panic because he had found Alexis' window open and he swears it had been closed when he had checked it four hours ago after she had left for school (he had been obsessively checking windows and doors for the past couple of days).

Kate goes over after he spins some ridiculous story about possible stalkers dropping down from the rooftop with spy gadgets in order to size up how to best get into his home and kidnap his daughter and Kate thinks he should really stop spending so much time researching government conspiracies and re-watching episodes of _Alias_.

Martha is on her way out to an audition. "Please fix this, darling. He's turning into a dramatic diva and that is my territory."

.

"Castle, you're being ridiculous," she says, hands on hips, as she enters Alexis' room and sees that he's trying to install some sort of booby trap on her window.

"I am not." His retort comes off sounding a little bit like a petulant child.

"You know, Alexis is probably going to trip that herself when she, oh, I don't know, _opens her window_?"

Castle's eyes brighten when she says that. "Oh no, she's not. I've worked it out. I tested it out on my own window."

"Oh, god."

"Oh, _yes._" He jumps off of the stepladder he's been standing on and grabs a hold of her wrist. "Come on, I'll show you the ingeniousness of my design." He leads her, or rather, _pulls _her, into his bedroom and Kate is momentarily impressed by all the time it obviously took him to install his elaborate, though crazy, system until…

"Castle, how much pepper spray is in that can?"

"Eight ounces. What? Too much?"

Kate rolls her eyes. "I'm going to help you take this stuff down so you don't end up killing yourself in the process."

"No way!" He responds, indignant at her proposal.

Kate touches the side of his arm to make him focus. "Castle. You don't need any of this. Your building is pretty much impenetrable as it is and with the extra security you hire for Alexis' sake, there is no way anybody is getting into your apartment unless they've been invited in. Besides, I have a gun." She tries to meet his eyes to see if she can spot any of the usual glint but he's not quite looking. "You're safe," she says emphatically.

And then, he does look at her. "I don't feel safe. Not anymore."

"You're safe with me." The words come out of her mouth before Kate can really process what she means by that.

Castle's no longer animated about his gadgets. Now, his voice is serious. "But," he starts, "You can't stay with me all the time. I can't have you." Kate looks away and tries to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that's crept up on her but it shows in her eyes. Castle's really looking now.

He takes a step forward.

She drops the hand that's touching his arm.

He takes another step forward.

She doesn't move. She barely even breathes.

He puts his left arm around her waist and closes the remaining distance between their bodies.

His lips are trailing down her neck before she finally engages. She moves slightly, at first. Tilting her head and letting him brush her hair away so he can continue to kiss along her collarbone. Slowly, she moves her right arm to wrap around his neck.

He looks at her steadily as he starts to unbutton her blouse. She dares him right back with her eyes, slipping out of her heels just as he peels the shirt off of her and drops it on the ground. He backs her up against his king-sized bed; her black pants drop just as the back of her knees hit the end of the mattress.

She moves purposefully then. Their gaze is momentarily cut off when she pulls his shirt over his head and when she falls back against the bed, she drags him down with her.

It continues like this. Him, taking a step forward and then she, pushing them a little bit further. There are no words, only sounds.

They do it twice.

The first time because he almost died.

And the second because she would have missed him.

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_A/N: Okay, so yay! Interest! I loved all of your reviews and adds and all that jazz. And now, random poll time – and really, feel free to respond with comments about this chapter – when do most of you want updates? I definitely can't do daily but what do you guys think? Weekly? Every Tuesday and every other Friday? Every third Thursday and second Wednesday? Bi-monthly? Only on special holidays?_


	3. She

**Chapter 3**

(She needs him.)

Castle rejoins the team for their next new case. He brings her coffee as usual and spins his wild stories like nothing has changed.

And on the surface, it _is _like it never happened; if Castle's gaze lingers on her just a little more than usual, well, neither one of them mentions it.

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Two days pass. And then three. By the fourth, Castle is crawling up the wall and Alexis and Martha are suffering for it.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Alexis asks him as she comes down for breakfast that morning.

"Honey, why would you think something's wrong?"

Alexis gestures at the array of food items on the counter. "Well, let's see. You made pancakes – chocolate chip _and _blueberry – , squeezed actual oranges to make juice, cut up five different types of fruit, finished off a dozen eggs so that you could scramble, poach, and hard-boil them, and of course, there's my granola yogurt parfait - " Alexis picks up her usual breakfast item. "- all before 7 a.m. Not that Grams and I don't appreciate the choices but really dad? This isn't normal behaviour."

Castle flips another pancake. "I've just been a little wired these past couple of days. Can't sleep… or something."

"Is it your writing? Maybe I can help you with some ideas."

Castle smiles. "As wise as you are, daughter, I don't think you could help me out with this particular problem."

"Well… alright," Alexis looks hesitant. "Do you want to do a movie night, tonight? That always cheers you up. I mean, I made plans with Paige but – "

"No!" Castle cuts in. "It's a Friday night; go be a normal teenager and have fun with your friends. You don't have to worry about your eccentric but lovable father."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. In fact, I insist you stay out past 11 o'clock tonight."

Alexis laughs. "Sure thing, dad." She glances at the clock. "I've gotta go."

"Okay, pumpkin. You have a good day." Castle kisses her cheek and goes to lock the door behind her. He sighs, realising he now has to find something else to entertain him.

.

Honestly, Kate is not doing much better. Though, she is better at hiding her anxiety than Castle is. She, at least, has a constant stream of criminals to catch and if she finds herself with some downtime, she exercises to work off that extra energy. But, no amount of sparring could get Kate's body to stop the intense _want _that overcomes her whenever he's in the same room. Even the anticipation of his arrival makes her skin tingle and her muscles twitch.

It's not even that she had been going through a dry spell, sex-wise. Her and Josh had crossed that barrier on their third date. But, it is something about Castle specifically that she is craving – maybe it's because he's never made it a secret how much he wants her and she has always wanted to find out what he is like in bed. God knows she's read enough about his sex-life in the gossip rags (which she denies she reads). She wonders if he's as passionate with everybody else as he had been with her.

.

Castle breaks first. He shows up at her door after making it through the week without having done anything drastic around her – like pulling her into one of the interrogation rooms and ripping her clothes off on the wrong side of a two-way mirror.

He assumes she had checked the eyehole because when she pulls open the door, she is not surprised. Just slightly frustrated. "Castle –"

"- I need you."

Three words, said simply, and Kate knows that she's done for.

She pauses for maybe two seconds before grabbing his shirt and yanking him fiercely into her apartment. Castle kicks the door shut after them.

She's already turned away from him, pulling her shirt off as she walks rapidly towards her bedroom. Castle follows diligently as always and by the time they cross the threshold of her room, they're both left in only their underwear.

"Beckett," he starts, "Should we maybe ta –"

She cuts him off. "Shut up, Castle." She pushes him onto her bed. "You talk too much."

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_A/N: Thanks so much for the lovely reviews - you guys are great and I really appreciate it! As for updating, based on responses (which ranged from hourly to once a week!), I'm going to try for at least twice a week :)_


	4. Both

**Chapter 4**

(Both are painfully aware that they are currently in relationships with _other people_ at the moment.)

This time, they only make it through four days.

Kate is not above admitting that she needs sex but she stubbornly refuses to let some chemicals and hormones dictate the amount of control she has over her own body.

It's never been a problem for her before but maybe it's because he's always _around_ and in her personal space. She's been in his bed now and she knows just how strong his scent can be; everyday is just a little bit more torturous when she can smell him beside her, reminding her of how good it felt to have him surround her body, inside and out.

Castle's brain, being male, has never veered too far away from sex. Before having the actual experience, he's wasted many an hour thinking about Kate Beckett naked in various places and in numerous compromising positions. But, now that he's actually seen her naked, he doesn't have to imagine it. Now, he just sees her naked everywhere – which is a little inconvenient when they're discussing a dead body in the morgue with Lanie.

This time, though, he's noticing that he's not the only one having trouble concentrating. He knows Kate tries really hard to hide it but he's been observing her for the better part of two years and he knows the minutiae of her ticks and quirks better than she thinks he does. For instance, now, when he stands too close to her, she immediately jumps away. She deftly avoids touching him even when he's handing her a cup of coffee (more often then not, she asks him to set it down on her desk lest their fingers accidentally brush). And she avoids his gaze even when they've come to the same conclusion on a case and they're finishing each other's sentences as usual.

Then, on day four, she gets extremely cranky.

"Esposito!" she barks as she's getting off of the elevator, "How long does it take to get a suspect's financials? I assigned you that hours ago and you're just sitting there!"

Esposito looks at Ryan who just shrugs. Then, they both look to Castle who's leaning against Ryan's desk.

"Dude, what did you do to piss her off?" Esposito asks.

"What? Me? Nothing!" Castle has a feeling it's definitely something.

"You know that she takes it out on us whenever you two have a spat, right?" says Ryan.

"We did not have a _spat_."

"Are you sure about that, bro?"

"Ssh, ssh," whispers Ryan as Beckett walks towards them.

"Ryan," she crosses her arms, "Where are the cellphone records I asked for?"

"Just waiting for the tech team," he answers.

"I want them on my desk in an hour." She strides away before any of them can respond.

The boys look at Castle pointedly.

"Fine," Castle huffs, "I'll go talk to her."

.

He knows where to find her. Somehow, in the minutes that he's spent debating what to do, she's already changed into her workout clothes and is currently beating the shit out of a punching bag. There are two other officers there lifting weights and they stare at him as he walks across the mats towards her. She doesn't acknowledge him; his only indication that she's seen him at all is the brief flick of her eyes in his direction.

"Ryan and Esposito think you're acting a little crazy today," he says, standing facing her but well out of range in case she decides to give the bag a swift kick and hit him in the process.

"And what? They sent you to investigate why?" she answers between punches.

"Well, they seem to think I had something to do with it."

She laughs but it's more sardonic than anything. "Tell them if they did their work, I wouldn't have to be such a hard-ass."

"So… it's not me?"

She shrugs. "You're always annoying, Castle."

"Only to you, Detective."

She lets him stand there for another couple of minutes before saying, "You can go now, you know."

He ignores her comment and scans the room. "Is this the only workout room?"

She looks momentarily confused but answers the harmless question. "Yes. Why?" then adds as an afterthought, "You thinking of purchasing a new set of equipment for us?"

He's not paying attention to her, merely noting that the room has cleared out since they've been talking. He shifts his eyes to the two doors at the back. "Do those change room doors lock? From the inside, I mean."

Kate stops moving, stilling the bag; she has a weary look on her face. "Yes," she finally answers.

Castle grins mischievously. Before she has time to react, he's grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the women's change room.

"Castle! What –"

"I have a better exercise for you, Detective."

He's surprised she's not resisting but when they've both made it through the door and she locks it behind her, he realises that she's caught on.

She's sweaty from her workout and her skin is hot when he touches her. He tries to peel her top off but she stops him.

"No," she says. She quickly unbuttons his jeans and then pushes him against the locker.

He gets it. She's in a hurry.

He turns them around and pushes her shorts and panties down at the same time. She's already doing that thing she does with her hands and he can barely concentrate on what he's doing.

"Wait," he says, surprised he can still think straight. "I don't have a –"

She shakes her head. "I'm on the –"

He slides into her before she finishes her sentence, completing it for her like he always does.

They're both so high-strung that it doesn't take much to get the release they had both so desperately needed.

.

"Feel better?" he asks after catching his breath. She's still shaky on her feet and his arm remains looped around her waist. Her head is resting on his shoulder, her breaths against his neck finally evening out before he feels her nod.

"You get really irritable when you haven't gotten any," his tone is humorous and seems to drag Kate back to a conscious realisation of what has just happened.

She extracts herself from his arms immediately, skirting around him and picking up her discarded pieces of clothing on her way to her locker. "I have to take a shower," she says and then scans him. "You should probably make yourself… presentable."

"Beckett. Wait."

She pauses in the middle of rifling through her gym bag for a towel. "What?"

"Uh, I don't know. Shouldn't we discuss these turn of events?"

"Castle, there's nothing to discuss. I needed sex. You needed sex. We're consenting adults. That's all this is."

"Yeah, except," he picks up his jeans off of the tiled floor, "We both have people in our lives who are supposed to meet that need. So, clearly, this isn't about the mind-blowing sex though, I have to admit, it's a nice bonus."

"Maybe you're just that good." She says this with a smirk but he imagines it's to hide from her uncertainty.

"I _am _that good." He tries to keep the tone light so she doesn't run away. "But, we both know this –"

"Castle!" she interrupts, "Let's just – just drop this, okay?"

"For now? Or until the next time you need a little pick-me-up?"

"Hey, you're the one who dragged me in here."

"_Dragged_?" he stretches out the word. "You were more than a willing participant."

"Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about this too, ever since that night."

Castle is sitting on a bench now, putting on his shoes. "I'm not denying anything. In fact, I'll fully admit that I've been thinking about you, naked and in between my sheets, letting me play out all sorts of dirty fantasies." The flush returns to Kate's face at his words. Now that he's gotten her attention, he continues seriously, "I've just been debating what to do about Gina. I mean, the first time, I thought it was a one-time thing but –" he gestures between them, "- if this is going to continue on then –"

"No," she interrupts him again. "This is it. You can do whatever you want about Gina but you and me, we're done. It was just sex, okay? Nothing else."

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_A/N: Okay, so I've started getting a little concerned about characterization. I mean, the show hasn't really shown this side of either of them so I'm just trying my best to extrapolate. Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? (You guys have been really awesome with your reviews so far!)_


	5. Lying

_A/N: I totally meant to post this chapter earlier on this morning but I AM STILL FREAKING OUT OVER LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE OF _**FRINGE**_! If you guys aren't watching, you should start (and catch up) 'cause the show is awesome and it's getting moved to Fox's death slot (just like _Firefly_ was...). /fangirl out. _

_You can read on now... sorry for the slight distraction. ;)_

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**Chapter 5**

(Lying to their brains is easier than acknowledging their hearts.)

He tries to believe it's nothing, really tries, but when they solve their latest case, she is upset and he notices. He's sitting in his chair and she's sitting in hers. It's 8 o'clock on a Friday night and almost everybody else has dashed off to get a jumpstart on the weekend. Of course, she is still working, filling out reports. He, on the other hand, is studiously trying to highlight an entire piece of paper green.

"My mother has apparently gotten over Chet because she has yet another new boyfriend," he says, casually.

"Uh huh," she mutters.

"She's been staying at his place this week," he continues, "And Alexis is sleeping over at a friend's house tonight."

"That's nice."

"I'll have the house to myself." He says this pointedly.

A look of understanding passes over Kate's features and her eyes flick up momentarily from her paperwork to see him staring right back at her. It's gone a second later and her eyes are once again focused on her work. She ends up retorting, "Are you scared of being home alone, Castle?"

"Only when I'm watching a horror movie." He quips. He finishes colouring over the last strip of white and caps the highlighter. "Well," he declares, "My work here is done."

She rolls her eyes. "You realise that you've just wasted an entire piece of paper, right?"

"You can still use it," he says, "It's now a perfectly good sheet of _green_ paper."

"Good bye, Castle."

He touches her shoulder lightly as he walks past her. "Until tomorrow, Detective."

.

It's just past midnight. He opens the door for her on the first knock.

"I hated having to arrest her," she says, exhausted and defeated. He wraps his arms around her.

"I know, Kate, I know." It's always Kate when they're alone like this.

They end up in his room and he manoeuvres them onto the bed, pulling the covers over their unclothed bodies because her hands and feet are freezing.

They've still never kissed each other on the lips, as if that would be too intimate somehow and they would really be cheaters if they did. So, he finds other places to kiss her.

His mouth touches her cheek and his tongue licks the unshed tears away. Her eyes close as she tilts her head back and he traces the line of her neck with feather-light kisses. Her heart rate rises as he works his way down her body and when his lips touch the inside of her thighs, she trembles.

Almost immediately, his face is back hovering over hers and he sidetracks her enough that she gasps in surprise when his finger, first one – then two, pushes into her. Castle watches her writhe under him, his fingers deftly working their way deeper; he's already figured out just where to curl his fingers in order to make her groan.

But, it's not enough for her tonight. Kate pulls him down urgently in order to feel the weight of him on top of her. "Make me forget," she whispers into his ear.

She urges him into her and it hurts a little as he enters but it's a physical pain she relishes over the emotional pain of her week. His movements above her start off achingly slow. She is hot and wet all around him but he's not nearly deep enough. Rather than asking for it, she wraps her legs around his waist and her back arches up to meet his next thrust. He groans, partly in surprise at her action. The next time, though, he pushes into her harder and her moans confirm it's what she had wanted from him. She pants as he moves faster, her head dropping back on the pillow when one of his hands snakes down to rub her clit.

It's an extreme pleasure she hasn't felt from anybody other than him and she tightens around him instinctively every time he rocks into her. Her nails scratch the skin of his back and another moan escapes her when his free hand blindly finds her breast, tugging and rolling the hard nipple and exciting the last of her nerve endings.

Their bodies burn as they approach climax, his movements becoming less rhythmic as her muscles clench, stimulating them both at once. One last push drives them up towards orgasm and Kate bites his shoulder when she comes. He stills above her afterwards to recover but remains coherent enough to register the after-effects of her muscles still contracting slightly around him. Knowing from experience how hypersensitive her body remains after an initial orgasm, he slips out and replaces his penis with fingers, pleasuring her again by rubbing his thumb against her clit. Kate's eyes widen before flickering shut as his fingers increase pressure.

"Oh," she gasps. He watches her whole body flush, her hips involuntarily bucking against him. He gets pleasure out of hearing the sound that escapes her mouth when she contracts around his fingers violently and releases for that second time.

She exhales shakily when he slips out and then they both just lie there on the bed, side-by-side, not touching.

She moves first. She always does.

"Kate." He grabs her wrist. "Stay."

She's sitting on the edge of his bed. Her back is to him. "I can't," she says.

She picks up her clothes and disappears into his bathroom. Ten minutes later, she's gone.

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_A/N: (Yeah, a second one...) Extremely sorry for the short chapter but it just seemed to be the proper place to end it! Also, thank you so much for your amazing constructive criticisms on characterization; I've remedied some of that in later chapters (re: Castle being a loyal guy deep down and some justifications for cheating…) but you'll just have to keep reading to find out when exactly those things play out…! Also, yes, Lanie will be making an appearance but she'll be playing a larger role (much) later down the line… _

_…And I'll leave you guys there. Keep reviewing, please!_


	6. They

_A/N: Sorry, I was a little late putting this up today. Mainly due to the fact that I had an assignment due and an exam to write aujourd'hui. No worries though, I kicked ass. ;)_

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**Chapter 6**

(They are cheating on Josh and Gina. But it doesn't feel that way.)

.

It keeps happening.

In Kate's brain, she has labelled her dysfunctional relationship with Castle as "friends with benefits". She compartmentalizes and tells herself that emotionally, she is with Josh and therefore, she is not cheating. She tries not to examine this premise too closely because the sex with Castle feels _so good_.

Still, Kate can't – and won't – give herself fully to him. '_He is a hyperactive puppy with the attention span of a 5-year-old,' _she constantly reminds herself. '_As soon as the newest shiny object crosses his path, he'll disappear so fast.' _And it's for this exact reason that Kate isn't willing to sacrifice a relationship with the perfect guy (Hot? Check. Doctor? Check. Taller than her? Check.) just to get burned once again by Castle leaving her for a model or an actress or an ex-wife.

The thing is, though, the person she goes to after a stressful and trying day isn't her boyfriend.

.

Castle, on the other hand, is having trouble juggling. He consistently finds himself ignoring Gina's calls and cancelling dates with her at the last minute when Kate texts him. He figures Kate doesn't have this problem because Josh is a fancy doctor who works long hours and is constantly on-call (he's not bitter about that at all).

.

She calls him more than he calls her. This, Castle realises rather quickly. For every one time he needs her because he wants to throw his computer against a wall and must redirect his energy elsewhere, she's needed to see him two or three times. It is the nature of her job versus the relative stress-free life that he tends to lead.

He doesn't mind this though. And that confuses him.

Because he soon comes to the conclusion that more than wanting to give her a release and help her feel better, he also wishes he could protect her from the sources of pain in the first place. He now fears for her life on a minute-to-minute basis, he wants to make her happy and worries when she's not, and he genuinely _cares_ for her well-being. Castle can count the number of people on one hand that he could apply that criteria to.

.

They usually meet in hotels.

They decide early on that meeting at Castle's would not be a good idea since Martha and Alexis also live there and even if they had happened to be out, they could conceivably show up at any moment. As for Kate's place, she claims that she hates her new sublet, wanting to spend as little time there as possible but, if Kate is honest with herself, she would acknowledge that the real reason has more to do with the fact that her and _Josh_ often sleep together there and it just feels wrong to have Castle there as well.

They come up with a code because Castle continues to be obsessed with secret agents. Kate thinks it's ridiculous but Castle thinks it's the best idea _ever_ so obviously, he ends up making her do it.

Inevitably, it starts off with one of them texting _it's not a murder _to the other. Castle says that if anyone were to pick up their phones by accident, it wouldn't raise any suspicions. As a detective, Kate doesn't agree with him but she doesn't necessarily want to call him up when she's at her must vulnerable and ask him, _Hey, you wanna have sex tonight? _so she doesn't say anything to the contrary.

They cycle through four hotels because Castle is a child and can't decide which one he likes the best. If he chooses The Plaza, he texts her _Eloise_; if it's the Four Seasons, he texts her _Vivaldi_; the St. Regis is _Annie_; and the Waldorf is _Blair_ (the latter of which Kate doesn't understand but Castle says it's in reference to a television show that he and Alexis like to make fun of).

Kate thinks that they are doing a really good job at hiding their relations (_not _relationship, just relations) but she almost slips up one day when she's talking to Lanie.

"What's different about you?" she asks.

"What're you talking about?" Kate responds. She's sitting on top of an exam table and watching Lanie work.

"You seem happier."

"Really?"

"Must be all that sex you're having." Only Lanie could sound sassy and suggestive while hovering over a dead body.

"What? I'm not having a lot of sex!" Kate denies immediately.

"Did you and Doctor Adorable break up and you didn't tell me?" Lanie sounds indignant.

"Oh!" Kate curses herself for having Castle on her mind. "No, no. Josh and I are still together."

Lanie gives her a strange look. "Who did you think I meant?"

"Nobody. I mean, Josh. I know you meant Josh."

"Girl, if you're hiding something from me…"

Kate repeats what she's been telling herself for two months. "It's nothing, Lanie. Really nothing."

.

She's already in the room when he gets there. She had been on her way home from the precinct when he had texted her with a place and a room number. She had known that he had been spending the past two days working on his latest Nikki Heat book. Just last week, he had groaned to Ryan and Esposito that he had been weeks behind the deadline his publishers had set for him. Kate hadn't missed him, per se, but it had just been a little quiet.

Castle enters the room to see Kate flopped down on her stomach across the king-sized bed, clearly exhausted from her day. He's almost content to leave her there and let her sleep.

"Castle?" her voice is low and muffled against the sheets.

He walks over to the bed quietly, stripping down to his boxers. Kate has already removed most of her stuffy work clothes upon entering the room, happy to be able to relax.

"You awake?" he whispers.

Kate makes a noise in assent though her eyes remain firmly shut.

He crawls onto the bed and strokes her bare legs gently. It's a comforting and peaceful moment after his hectic day of meetings and interviews; he hadn't been able to get any writing done even though that had been the plan.

His movements elicit a soft murmur and he smiles, moving his hand to brush his fingers against the exposed skin between her tank top and her panties, which causes Kate to reach up behind her and cover his hand in hers. Finally getting a reaction, Castle starts kissing up her back until he reaches her bare shoulder.

Kate can't help but smile as she feels him breathe into her hair, glad that she had used the cherry conditioner he seems to like so much. She lets him turn her over gently and as Castle pushes up the bottom of her top and starts kissing her stomach and up her side, Kate finds herself pushing any thoughts of tiredness or otherwise out of her head.

She wriggles under his touch, her eyes flickering open as her breathing becomes heavier. He slides off his boxers and helps her slide out of her panties before bringing her arms up around her head and entwining his fingers with hers. Kate lifts her body up to press against his as he continues planting kisses between her breasts and sucking lightly at her neck.

He brushes back her hair with one hand while the other snakes down between her legs, sliding along the whole slick length of her. Kate gasps as Castle simultaneously presses his thumb against her clit and slides two fingers inside her. Moving in and out, he slowly increases pressure, dipping into her a little deeper each time. Her entire body is so sensitive that when his mouth starts sucking at her hardened nipple, she can't help the moan that escapes her lips.

Castle's hands are all over her body as he waits for her to catch her breath. He whispers her name against her ear as he enters her slowly, spiralling his fingers around her breasts. Her green eyes look up into his blue ones just as she wraps her legs around him to pull him further inside her.

Castle thrusts into her over and over, his lips and hands still trying to seek out every part of her. Her breaths are coming fast and uneven, her mouth falling open as she starts to pant. She moves and rocks below Castle, her hands alternatively clenching his body and gripping the sheets.

Castle lets his fingertips reach down and press gently against Kate's swollen nub, sending her into a crashing orgasm. Her muscles tighten around him repeatedly and sets off his own release, both moaning in ecstasy until the wave washes them into breathless pleasure.

She usually doesn't stay long enough to do any sort of post-coital cuddling but she's too worn out tonight to move. So, she doesn't complain when Castle pulls her up to rest her head on his chest and she only tucks into him more when he wraps his arm around her body. If he's surprised, he doesn't show it.

It's so quiet that Castle thinks Kate must have fallen asleep. He tries to discreetly pull the covers up from the end of the bed where they had been kicked but Kate senses his movements and her eyes open sleepily.

"Are you cold?" she asks.

"Are you?"

She answers by sitting up and pulling the sheets over them, falling back onto her own side of the bed. He already misses her.

Her eyes close as her head hits the pillow. "Why did you call tonight?" her voice is a low murmur.

"Soulless bloodsuckers wouldn't leave me alone all day," he answers, angling his body so that he can still face her.

Her lips pull up into a small smile. "I didn't know vampires came out during the day."

"Didn't you hear? There's a new breed running around."

She chuckles and silence descends upon them once again. Usually, neither one of them stays in the room afterwards, although sometimes, Castle figures he's paid for it so he spends the night just to see how far he can go with the 24-hour butler service. Now, for the first time, Castle wonders if Kate is considering staying.

He doesn't have to wonder for long.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you wake me up in an hour? I'm just going to take a little nap before I call a cab home."

He's instantly disappointed, he doesn't want her to have to wake up just to get home. "Kate, why don't you stay?" he says finally and then, because he knows she'll refuse, he continues, "The room is ours for the night and anyway, I was planning on going home." (He hadn't been but if it's the only way he could get her to sleep peacefully through the night, then he doesn't mind lying.)

"Are you sure?"

The fact that she doesn't even protest is a testament to how exhausted she is. "Of course," he answers.

She searches for his hand under the covers and squeezes it. "Thanks," she says.

Before he leaves, he passes the front desk to request a wake-up call for 7 a.m. so that she's not late for work.

_

* * *

_

_A/N: Less angsty chapters coming up (but unfortunately, angst returns before resolution...)! And just FYI: this story takes place over the course of ~4 months. As of this chapter, it's only been about two even though the timeframe might seem extended due to how I've paced the chapters. _

_As per usual, please leave remarks! :)_


	7. His

**Chapter 7**

(His daughter wins over her heart before he does.)

.

"Hey! That was my vanilla sprinkled donut."

"Are you hearing yourself, Ryan? 'Cause if you did, you'd have noticed that you sound like a little girl."

"Oh really, Esposito? Well, maybe you should buy your own breakfast next time."

Kate walks into the precinct early the next Friday hearing the usual sounds of mumbled greetings and shuffling papers. She walks past the two members of her crack detective team, stopping to peer into the box of donuts and plucks out the last one. "Mmm. My favourite. Thanks, Ryan."

"I should've eaten at home," Ryan mutters as he glares at the both of them, picking up his coffee cup and heading into the break room.

"Slow morning?" Kate asks Esposito, flipping through some messages on her desk.

"It's turning out to be a paperwork kind of day," he answers. "We don't even have Castle around to entertain us."

Kate ignores the feeling that rushes through her at the prospect of not seeing Castle for another week. His editor had insisted on a two-week book tour through Europe to promote the first Nikki Heat book that had just been released over there; he had been texting her frequently since he had left (she had not been amused when her phone had buzzed at four in the morning only to read a sexually suggestive joke about getting strip-searched as he was in line to get through security at Heathrow).

The morning passes uneventfully and Kate is relieved when her phone rings after lunch, morbidly hoping that somebody has gotten murdered.

"Beckett," she answers.

A prim voice answers her back, greeting her with the name of a school that sounds vaguely familiar. "Are you Ms. Katherine Beckett?"

Kate furrows her brows as she tries to determine the nature of the call. "Yes. Speaking."

"We're calling because you have been listed as the emergency contact for one of our pupils, Alexis Castle."

"I have?" She answers in surprise and then, realising how that might sound, corrects herself, "I mean – yes. I have. I'm Alexis' emergency contact."

"There's no need to be alarmed but Miss Castle was involved in a bit of an accident."

"Oh my god." Kate immediately switches from being annoyed at Castle for not informing her of this emergency contact business to being concerned for his daughter. "Is she all right?"

The woman at the other end breezily brushes aside her concern. "Oh yes, it was a simple mishap in her physical education class. Miss Castle has, however, been taken to the hospital."

Kate doesn't like the sound of this school administrator. Her cavalier attitude bothers her. Kate's tone is chilly when she asks, "If it was a simple mishap then why is she in the hospital?"

"It seems she may have broken her arm," the woman answers. "We tried contacting Mr. Castle but couldn't get through. The school has left a message but thought we should inform you as well."

"Which hospital is she at?"

"New York Presbyterian but I assure you, there is no need to worry, Ms. Beckett."

"Yes, you've already said that." Kate is gathering up her jacket and purse. "Thank you for informing me."

"You're welcome."

"And one more thing…" Kate can't resist.

"Yes?"

"It's _Detective_ Beckett."

She hangs up and makes her way over to Ryan and Esposito's desks. "Hey guys?"

"Yeah." They look up from their computers.

"I have to head out for a little bit. Can you cover for me?"

"Sure thing." Esposito answers. "Is everything okay?"

Kate is already walking towards the elevator. "Just call me if anything comes up."

.

"I'm looking for Alexis Castle." Kate arrives at the hospital a good half hour later and is now standing in front of the Nurses' Station. "She was brought in a little while ago."

The nurse behind the desk glances up at her as she looks for the chart. "And you are?"

"Beckett. Kate Beckett. I'm her…"

"Next of kin," the nurse finishes, flipping through some pages. "Yes, it looks like the school made sure we indicated that on the chart. I'll take you to her."

Kate doesn't bother telling the nurse that _next of kin _isn't exactly what she is. She's just glad that somebody had called ahead so that she wouldn't have to awkwardly explain herself in order to see Alexis.

"She's just been wheeled back from x-rays," The nurse explains, glancing back at Kate as she weaves them through several corridors. "They have her in a room now, just about ready to set her arms."

Kate raises her eyebrows. "Excuse me. _Arms_? As in plural?"

"That's what the chart says." She stops abruptly in front of a door. "I'm sure your daughter will explain."

"Oh, she's not my…" Kate starts to say but the nurse has already pushed open the door to the exam room and walked away.

Kate enters the room and spots the redhead immediately, miserably leaning back on a propped up hospital bed and looking away from the door.

"Detective Beckett!" Alexis turns her head at the sound of footsteps. "I told them not to call you."

Kate makes her way over and a look of concern passes across her features. "Alexis, what happened?" She indicates the scraped knees and the cast adorning her right arm, which went all the way past her elbows.

"It's not as bad as it looks, really," Alexis looks down sheepishly. "I just got trampled a little in basketball."

"A _little_? What were you playing? Tackle basketball?"

"Well, I was running, trying to block somebody, you know? And then before I knew it, I was tripping over somebody's leg and flying through the air." She winces at the memory. "I landed really hard." Alexis looks up at Kate. "They still have to put a cast on my left arm."

"Yeah, the nurse told me you broke both of them."

"Well, I broke the right one and I think I just sprained my left." Alexis shrugs. "I think that's what the doctor said. I wasn't really paying attention because they were cleaning up the cuts on my knees and that stuff _stings_."

Kate chuckles, remembering the many scrapes and bruises she's incurred on the job. "Yeah, I know." Kate props herself onto the edge of Alexis' bed.

"I'm really sorry you had to come. You're probably so busy. They would have called dad but well, you know… and then to drag you away from work and everything..." Alexis trails off.

Kate places a hand on Alexis' shoulder lightly in reassurance. "Are you kidding? I was looking for an excuse to leave. I've been doing paperwork all day. Plus, I wouldn't have wanted you to be here all alone."

"Well, I would have called Grams to come pick me up afterwards."

"Don't worry about it, Alexis. I'm glad to be here." Kate smiles, not missing the look of relief that had flashed across Alexis' face – Kate isn't sure if it is relief at not having to be alone in the hospital or at not having Martha there making a scene.

There is a light knock at the door and the doctor re-enters. Kate keeps Alexis company while the doctor puts the cast on and they wait for the plaster to set. It takes them a lot longer to get out of there than Kate had originally anticipated.

Alexis tells Kate that she had already texted her dad to call her as soon as he could so that he wouldn't freak out over the vague message she's sure her school had left on his voicemail. Then, she had called her grandmother to tell her what had happened. By the time she and Alexis make it back to the loft, it is well after 7pm.

Martha is waiting for them. "Darling!"

"Grams, I'm okay."

Kate places Alexis' backpack on the floor and watches as Martha fusses over her granddaughter.

"You really should have called me," Martha tsks.

"Grams, you had those rehearsals. And there's nothing you could have done at the hospital. Really." Alexis glances back at Kate. "Besides, the school called Detective Beckett."

Martha looks at Kate as if seeing her for the first time. "Oh! Where are my manners?" She embraces her tightly. "How are you, Kate?"

"I'm well, Martha. Thanks." Kate smiles.

"And Alexis, honey," Martha turns to look at her granddaughter, "You should probably stop saying 'Detective Beckett' and start calling her Kate. She is, after all, your emergency contact at school." Martha has an amused quality to her voice and Kate knows that she is incorrectly assuming things about Castle's relationship with her. "I used to have that honour, you know," Martha continues as she walks into the kitchen.

"Dad only changed it when you moved in with Chet and started doing more theatre again…" Alexis hurriedly explains, "I guess he just forgot to change it back. I thought he told you about it."

"Well, your dad never told me either," Kate says.

"He didn't?" Alexis is surprised.

Kate shrugs. "He probably assumed that you would never get into any trouble."

The ringing of Kate's phone interrupts them. She glances at the number before handing it to Alexis. "Speaking of your dad."

Alexis takes the phone from her and greets her dad.

"Alexis! I've been calling your phone for the past three hours!" Kate can hear his voice from where she's standing.

"Oh yeah, oops. I had to turn it off in the hospital and I guess I forgot to turn it back on."

Kate moves into the kitchen and sits on one of the stools, listening in on Alexis' side of the conversation.

"No, dad, I'm fine. Don't come home," Alexis says, emphatically shaking her head as if Castle could see her doing so. "The school called Kate. You put her down as my emergency contact but apparently forgot to tell her?"

They exchange a few more words and then Alexis laughs. "No, Grams is here. She met us at home."

A pause. "Sure. I love you too. Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Alexis hands the phone back to Kate. "He wants to talk to you."

She brings the phone to her ear. "Castle," she says, her tone unimpressed.

"Uh yeah, hey Beckett." She thinks he sounds a little sheepish.

"So, something you wanted to tell me, maybe?"

He stammers, "I forgot!" Then, "But seriously, how bruised and smashed up is she? My daughter tends to make up for my melodrama by playing it cool and being annoyingly self-possessed."

Kate smiles at this, moving out of Alexis and Martha's earshot before replying, "She's fine now but she'll probably start feeling it tomorrow. The doctor gave her some drugs for the pain and she probably won't be able to go to school for a couple of days."

"So, I do need to take the first flight back there." Kate can almost see the gears in Castle's brain whirring as he conjures up a plan and makes a mental to-do list.

She cuts him off before he can start rattling off flight numbers and times from his computer. "Castle! Stop! I'm sure she can manage, especially with Martha here doting over her. Alexis doesn't need two drama queens making her crazy."

"My mother is leaving for San Francisco tomorrow to workshop her play," he says.

Kate furrows her brow. "Oh. Well, I'm sure she'll reschedule now."

Castle sighs dramatically. "Yes. She's also probably preparing herself to act slightly resentful at letting her understudy take over – something, _I _will have to hear about for several weeks. Besides, Alexis would feel extremely guilty for making her grandmother stay." Kate can still hear typing in the background. "No, I'll come back. Besides, it'll give me a legitimate excuse to not do this book tour!"

"Castle, your publicist will murder you."

He laughs, "Paula, I can handle. My little girl suffering alone, I cannot."

"Castle, I'll stay with Alexis." Kate doesn't think about why that idea seems so natural.

There's a pause on Castle's end. "You will?" he replies, doing a poor job of hiding his surprise.

"Yeah, of course." Kate can't help but add, "I _am _her emergency contact, after all."

He knows that it'll be a while before he can live that one down but after he realises that she's serious, he gets that eager and animated quality in his voice. "Make sure to stock up on Ben & Jerry's ice-cream and she loves drinking real hot cocoa when she's sick. Spaghetti Bolognese and mashed potatoes are her comfort foods and she has these fuzzy pink slippers she likes to wear when she's stuck at home all day," Castle is on a roll, "Oh! And if she gets cranky and whiny, stick in one of those sappy romance movies or _Firefly_ – you've never watched it, right, Beckett? She was asking me if I wanted to marathon the show a couple of weeks ago so, I think it's perf—"

Kate's laugh cuts him off, "She's not a child, Castle! I'm sure she won't get cranky and whiny; we'll be fine."

Castle's voice is softer, "I'm just –"

"—I know, Castle," she replies. "I'll take care of her."

"I'll be back in a week," he promises. A pause and then, "Kate?"

Her breath hitches because the way he says her name is exactly the way it sounds when they're in bed together and he's whispering it against her ear. "Yeah?" she says after a beat.

"Thank you."

* * *

_A/N: Next chapter: more Alexis/Kate bonding (because this chapter was getting too long)! _

_*Also, random tangent, feel free to bypass: Yesterday's combo of _Bones _and _Fringe? _I was heartbroken by the end of those two hours. __Amazing. Also, Veronica Mars reunion ftw. _

_Also, ironically? I started watching _Castle_ 'cause of _Bones – _because Hart Hanson kept mentioning the similarities on Twitter (that backfired if he was hoping to deter people… that's the ironic part…) and articles kept comparing them and I was all: no way Castle is as good and I'm going to watch an episode so that I have proof to back it up. Yeah. First I was all – I'll casually watch it for Capt. Mal and then I was all... now I'm obsessed! /fangirling_

_Uh yeah, so… **review**?_


	8. Alexis

**Chapter 8**

(Alexis decides her dad is dating the wrong person.)

.

When Kate arrives on that first day, Alexis doesn't know how to act around her. She's always thought that Kate was kind of awesome, especially because she's able to put up with her dad's antics day in and day out when nobody else but her and her Grams has ever had that distinction. Still, Alexis had thought of Kate as more of a role model.

By the end of that first day, though, she starts to think that Kate would be a cool friend to have around (Kate introduces her to John Hughes' classics and belts out Taylor Swift with her when they play _Rock Band, _making her swear that she would never tell her dad) and by the morning of the second, Kate's almost like the sister she's never had.

Granted, a large reason for their virtually instantaneous bonding is due to the fact that Alexis realises very quickly how little she can manage by herself with two broken arms.

.

It's Monday morning and Kate has already called to tell her school that she wouldn't be there – the cast on her left arm only covers a part of her palm so Alexis is still able to use her hand, (something she is extremely grateful for), but she's still too sore to grip a pen and take notes all day.

Since Alexis would be staying home, Kate had also called the precinct to tell them that she couldn't work for the third day in a row.

"I'm sorry for using up all your sick days," says Alexis while determinedly trying to cut up her pancake with the edge of her fork.

"You're not," says Kate "I've never used any of them before so I have plenty saved up – besides, I've never had more fun being sick in my life." She smiles. "So, what do you want to do today?"

Alexis suddenly remembers something she had been thinking about last night in bed. "You want to help me surprise my dad?" she asks.

"What did you have in mind?"

"We should decorate the house for the holidays!" Alexis says excitedly. "Normally, my dad and I do it right after Thanksgiving but he was so busy getting ready and packing for Europe that we never got around to it. He said that he would make it up to me when he got back but since you're here, we should just make a day of it!" Kate had looked hesitant when Alexis had first started talking but now that Alexis sees her warming up to the idea, she decides to add for emphasis, "It'll be super fun, I swear."

Kate laughs. "You sound exactly like your dad when he's trying to convince me."

Alexis grins, "Does it work?"

Kate answers with a grin of her own, "Fine. Let's do it."

"Awesomeness!" She leaps off of her stool to give Kate a side hug before grabbing a piece of paper to start making a list.

.

It turns out Alexis isn't as helpful as she normally is and she ends up directing most of the time but Kate doesn't seem to mind.

First, Kate drives them to a Christmas tree farm and the two of them get one of the guys working there to help them bring the giant 8 ½ foot tree back to the loft even though they don't deliver. It hadn't been that hard to convince him since he had totally been hitting on Kate.

Alexis tells Kate that they don't have to buy any ornaments because her and her dad have been making and collecting decorations since she had been old enough to use scissors but they do end up purchasing an obscene amount of candy canes, Christmas confections, and sparkly lights. Alexis does get slightly concerned when Kate climbs the ladder in order to string aforementioned lights from the ceiling and put up the star on the tree, reminding Kate that she's not really able to hold the ladder very steady and she doesn't want both of them to be in a cast.

When they finish, the loft looks like a Winter Wonderland and Alexis is giddy with pride and accomplishment. Kate makes them hot cocoa and they lie underneath the tree in order to watch the lights twinkle above them.

"Hey, Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you usually do for Christmas?" Alexis had spent all day telling Kate about the traditions that she and her dad have but Kate hadn't shared any of her own.

When Kate doesn't answer immediately, Alexis turns her head to look at her and sees the sadness on her face. Alexis sits up, afraid that she has done something wrong. "Kate," she says anxiously, "Are you okay? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm sorry, I was just curious…"

Kate sits up and shakes her head like she's clearing her mind. "No, it's fine. I was just remembering."

Alexis nods, unsure of what to say next.

Kate turns to look at her and Alexis is glad when she breaks the silence for them. "When I was little, it was always the first of December that meant the start of the holidays for me. My dad and I would go choose a tree and then my mom would join us in decorating it. I had a lot of homemade ornaments, too," Kate fingers the purple popsicle reindeer Alexis had made when she was five. "I was allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve and then when I got older, the three of us would stay up and open all of our presents right after midnight when it was technically Christmas Day." Kate smiles at the memory but it looks bittersweet to Alexis. "Christmas was always my mom's favourite holiday."

Alexis recalls what her dad had told her about Kate's mom and she suddenly realises why Kate had been reluctant to help her decorate that morning and why she looks sad now.

"I can't remember the last time I decorated my house… usually my dad will call me on Christmas day but I'm always working so we don't really celebrate." Kate ends her story with a shrug.

Alexis scoots closer to Kate's side. "I'm going to give you a hug now, okay?"

Kate only hesitates a little before hugging her back. "Alexis, I think you just might be the sweetest kid I've ever known," she says and Alexis thinks she sounds happier. After a minute, Kate pulls away, "C'mon, it's late. And we both have to wake up early tomorrow."

"Oh yeah," Alexis says, pushing herself up. "It kind of feels like the weekend."

She and Kate make their way upstairs. She needs help changing but they've both stopped feeling awkward about it, especially after that first night when they had somehow gotten her t-shirt stuck around her head and they had both laughed so hard that it had taken them fifteen minutes just to get her pyjamas on.

Kate is brushing out the tangles in her hair when Alexis has another one of her brilliant ideas. "Kate, you should come over and celebrate Christmas with us!" she says.

"Not that I don't appreciate the invitation, Alexis, but you probably want to ask your dad about that first. Won't you be celebrating with…"

"…Gina," Alexis finishes Kate's thought. "And you'll probably be with your boyfriend, right?"

"It'll be a normal Christmas," Kate says, not really answering her question.

Alexis suddenly finds herself wishing that Kate were the one her dad is dating and then immediately feels bad for hypothetically breaking up two relationships. She doesn't notice that Kate has gotten off her bed and is at the door until she hears her say, "Good night, Alexis."

She slips under her covers. "Until tomorrow, Kate."

.

The next day, Josh shows up at the precinct to invite Kate to a quick lunch. Since she's been cancelling on him for the past three days, she willingly agrees.

"So, how's Castle's daughter?" he asks after they've ordered.

Kate had told him the situation but, just by reading Josh's face, she can tell that he's not as "fine" about it as he had seemed to be on the phone. "She's better. She went back to school today."

Josh nods. "Remind me again why you had to stay with her?"

"I told you. Castle's out of the country and her grandmother had some sort of theatre thing to go to in California."

"Doesn't Castle have a girlfriend?"

"She went with him."

"And out of all of the friends that he obviously has, you have to be the one to look after his daughter for the week?"

Kate knows there are a lot of reasons why Castle wouldn't leave Alexis in the care of just anyone but she doesn't feel like it would help the situation if she were to explain it to Josh. Since she doesn't want to be defensive, she goes on the offensive. "Do you have a problem with that?" she asks him.

"Would it matter if I did?"

"No, not really."

"Then, there's really nothing to say, is there?"

Their food arrives and she changes the subject.

.

By the end of the week, Kate realises that Alexis is absolutely capable of acting like a real teenager. Alexis has taken to joining her at the precinct after school because she can't participate in any of her usual extra-curriculars. The boys have started to refer to her exclusively as Little Castle and they've even decorated her casts although Kate would have preferred them spending their energy on the unsolved murder.

"This sucks." Alexis is sitting cross-legged in the chair usually occupied by Castle.

Kate's gotten used to Alexis chattering on beside her as she does her paperwork, in fact, she's a lot like Castle that way. "What does?" she asks, though not really paying rapt attention.

"I just realised that I can't practice my violin until this stupid arm heals. That's like, six weeks! My technique is gonna go down the drain."

Kate looks over at her. "Why don't you concentrate on what you _can_ do right now," she jabs her pen at the open textbook, "Like your calculus homework."

"Alexis doesn't need somebody to tell her to do homework," comes a voice behind them, "Where is my real daughter and what have you done with her?"

Kate whirls around.

"Dad!" Alexis leaps into Castle's arms. "What're you doing here? I thought you were coming home tomorrow!"

"Change of plans. Not even the Queen of England could keep me from getting home to see my unduly injured daughter." Castle finally catches Kate's eye, "Hi, Beckett."

"Hey," she responds, "How was your trip?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. A lot of schmoozing and signing of body parts."

Alexis rolls her eyes and Castle grins, "Picked up some of Beckett's habits, have you?"

"Kate was awesome. In fact, I think she may have taken better care of me than you," Alexis teases. Castle pretends to be offended and Alexis grins, "_She _doesn't concoct weird home remedies and then actually forces me to try them."

"Hey, peanut butter goes with everything."

Alexis suddenly furrows her brows, "Dad, how did you know I was here?"

"Because I'm brilliant and I've clearly got some detective skills…"

Castle doesn't get to finish his story before Esposito interrupts him, "He asked me on Twitter."

Alexis suddenly looks at Kate, "You're still staying over tonight, right?"

Kate's eyes widen. "Am I?"

"Well, Grams doesn't get home until tomorrow night."

"Right…" Kate glances over at Castle who merely shrugs. "I guess I am, then."

Alexis smiles. "Great!"

.

Castle and Alexis leave first since Kate still had a bit of work to do. A half-hour after they leave, Kate's phone buzzes and she laughs at the sheer amount of exclamation marks in Alexis' text: _KATE! HE LOVED IT! :) SURPRISE WAS A SUCCESS!. _

It's followed up by another: _Come home, soon, 'k?_

_

* * *

_

_A/N: Again, cutting this off because it's getting kinda lengthy but the next chapter will continue on from this – I wouldn't be so evil as to not show what happens when Beckett and Castle are together. In the same house. With beds. _

_For those who are squirmy about infidelity: Castle's relationship status gets explained in two chapters and Kate's the one after that… I remain steadfast in my opinion that brain chemistry makes people do crazy things and love's not always perfectly simple…._

_Feedback! I crave feedback! _


	9. Please

**Chapter 9**

(Please don't be in love with someone else.)

.

Kate is nervous. Then, she gets nervous about _why_ she's nervous.

She rings the doorbell to stop herself from thinking about it. Even though she has a key, it feels odd to use it now that Castle is home.

Castle opens the door and they aren't even able to properly greet each other before Alexis bounds over to her and gives her a hug. She seems a lot younger than sixteen when she's cheerful and bouncy like this. (Although, Kate shouldn't be surprised since Castle is basically a man-child).

"We're making dinner," Alexis says. "Dad thought you'd be late so we just started."

"What're you guys making?" Kate sniffs the air, "And what's that burning?"

"Oh shoot," Alexis runs back towards the kitchen. "Dad! We're gonna have to make a third batch of garlic bread!"

"You're too easily distractible." Kate laughs, not even having to ask about the fate of the first batch.

"I never said I wasn't." He moves behind her to take her coat and it seems as though he can't help but brush his fingers unnecessarily against her neck. He leans close to whisper in her ear, "By the way, I love the decorations."

That night, they don't bother to avoid each other but their touches aren't so much scintillating as affectionate. Their laughing at the dinner table and Alexis' rosy cheeks after both Castle and Kate tease her about Ashley is a perfect visual representation of what Kate imagines when she thinks of _belonging_. The thought is fleeting and Kate pretends she doesn't catch it.

She takes a shower later to clear her mind of the thoughts and emotions that had flooded her that evening. She's been trying to maintain the cement fortress around her emotions, particularly the ones associated with Castle and Alexis.

She's so lost in her world that she doesn't even hear Castle entering the bathroom until he's pulling the glass door open and stepping intothe shower with her.

She hisses, "Castle!"

"Ssh," his eyes are sparkling, "My daughter is sleeping."

She rolls her eyes, "Yeah, down the hall with three closed doors between us."

He murmurs against the back of her neck, "You don't know how loud you can get."

Her blush only adds to the rising heat of her surroundings. His fingers ghost across her nipples before turning her around, inching them backwards until her back is pressed against the cool tiles.

He begins to trace her collarbone with his tongue. "I missed you," he says against her neck, biting her until he hears her gasp before licking the same area to elicit another kind of moan. His right hand slides down her slick body, finally resting on her thighs to move inwards towards her heat. She parts her legs a little but he only teases her by lightly brushing the pads of his fingers against her folds.

She lifts her head, intending to glare at him but he's already staring at her intently, obviously having been his plan to get her attention. She pushes herself against his body to create more friction and lets out a frustrated sound when he doesn't let her. He chuckles but when his hand returns, he's sliding two fingers into her and her eyes slam shut of their own accord.

His fingers start to penetrate her deeper and deeper and she's barely lucid. Before he loses her completely, he puts his mouth next to her ear and whispers, "Did you miss _me_?"

"What?" Her voice is shaky.

"Did you miss me as much as I missed you?" he repeats, enunciating each syllable.

She knows what he's trying to do, what he wants her to admit out loud to herself and to him. She knows he won't continue until she answers and she's _so close _but still, she clearly shakes her head, no.

Castle abruptly stops his movements. Her breath hitches and she's forced to open her eyes.

Her pupils are so dilated that he can barely see the green in them but still, he can tell. "You're lying," he says.

She doesn't answer him. After a beat, he adds another finger and resumes his movements and though her eyes widen, she refuses to let them close.

"I'm going to ask you again," His fingers push into her harder. "Did you miss me?"

She's steadfast and stubborn, moving her lips until they're a quarter of an inch away from his. "I already told you. No."

He removes his hand entirely this time and she tries not to react. "I know when you're lying, Kate."

"No, Castle. I don't think you –" she gasps, cutting herself off when he pushes his erection deep into her without warning. She wraps one of her legs around his waist instinctively, draping her hands on his shoulders to brace herself; her nails digging into his skin every time he thrusts.

He stops again before he can't control himself and this time, Kate whimpers, "Castle, please…"

"Just admit that you missed me," he says, sliding in and out of her agonizingly slowly.

Her willpower is strong. "No," she says on an inhale. She clenches her inner muscles violently and he's far enough in her that it's his turn to groan. She's triumphant now but he only grins at her challenge.

He teases one of her nipples with his tongue, distracting her enough so that when he pushes his thumb over her sensitive nub, she jerks in surprise. He starts to rub her clit vigorously and he gets so hard hearing her let out little whimpers of pleasure that he can't stop himself from rocking back into her.

"Why can't you say it, Kate?" His lips are against her ear again and he knows that if she doesn't admit it now, she'll never break.

He increases the pace and she cries out a little, letting her head fall back against the tiles. "Oh, god," she moans.

His breaths are coming fast but every time he pumps into her, he manages to repeat, "I missed you. I missed you. I missed you."

He thinks this is it, that she'll never say it back, and he's so far past gone that he's ready to give up when…

"I mis…" she starts but the rest of the sentence drops off her lips when he hits her in just the right spot.

"Say it, Kate," he prompts her, this time _he's_ begging. She's wrapping her other leg around his body, angling herself to take him deeper and he knows that he won't be able to understand her in a few more seconds.

"I missed you, Castle," she gasps finally, "I missed you."

He lets himself go then and with one last push into her, a wave of pleasure roars through them both. He kisses her hard to muffle her moans and she bites his bottom lip as her whole body contracts and releases.

She doesn't let go when the orgasm passes. She keeps her legs wrapped around him so that she can continue to feel him inside her. Their lips had separated when breathing had gotten laboured but now, he's back to kissing her. Their mouths part open and the tip of his tongue brushes against the tip of hers for a millisecond before pulling back. When he does it a second time, she meets him in anticipation and he takes it as permission to explore and deepen the kiss. She's drunk with sensation and is no longer able to remember why they hadn't done this sooner. All of the passion that she's been repressing fuels the desperate need she has to kiss him back.

* * *

_A/N: I take it back. Who needs _beds_ when you've got hot shower sex? (Review?)_


	10. Just

**Chapter 10**

(Just goes to show you need me less than I need you.)

.

Christmas passes but her caseload doesn't get any lighter just because it's the holiday season. In fact, it gets slightly worse. They are standing in front of the espresso machine right after New Years, talking about the latest murder when Kate abruptly changes the topic.

"Josh and I had a fight."

"When?"

"A few days ago."

"Why?"

She laughs dryly. "He says we never have sex anymore."

Castle's eyebrows rise. "Sounds like a conversation I had with Gina."

"Really?"

"Mhm. Granted, we had the same conversation right before we got divorced so it just felt like a continuation."

She rolls her eyes. "So, what happened?"

"Between me and Gina? Well, she brought up some of my faults and I ended up calling her a bunch of immature names and then she stormed out."

"So, you didn't break up?"

"We've done much worse to each other." It doesn't really answer the question. He glances over at her, "What happened between you and Josh?"

"We argued before deciding that it was due to our busy schedules and we should try harder to spend more time with each other," she pauses, and then, "We weren't really serious before but… he's been spending the night at my place ever since."

Castle nods, trying not to betray any emotion. It explains why she hasn't called him lately for _not murders. _She's been trying to put distance between them ever since the impulsive kiss they had shared upon his return from Europe.

She's holding a coffee cup in her hand and he can tell she's nervous because she's fidgeting with the handle. There's nobody else in the room and she moves to close the door before she speaks.

"Castle?"

He senses what's coming, had known what she had wanted to tell him ever since that last time. He makes it easier on her and beats her to the punch. "You're gonna miss me." His tone is teasing but his eyes are not.

She lets out a sigh and then her whole face changes, like she's putting on an old mask. She shoots him a grin. "Don't flatter yourself, Castle."

She opens the door to leave, intercepting Esposito and the suspect he's just hauled in. The change is so abrupt: like a switch has been pulled and they're back to where they were four months ago.

Except Castle doesn't stop Kate to tell her that he had broken up with Gina weeks ago – sometime during the book tour. He had had trouble answering when she had asked why.

But, it's not hard to admit the reason now: he's just in love with somebody else.

.

"Dad?" Alexis pokes her head into his study. It's noon but she's still in her pyjamas, trying to prolong her lazy Sunday morning.

Castle is typing on his computer although it's become a day where anything he writes sounds like crap. He looks up. "Yeah, pumpkin?"

Alexis walks into the room and perches herself on his desk. "Are you okay?"

Castle smiles at his daughter. "Why does it feel like you worry about me more than I worry about you?"

"Because clearly, I'm the grown-up in this relationship."

Castle laughs genuinely for the first time in days. "No argument there."

"But seriously, dad. Do we need to go out and buy six cartons of ice-cream? Maybe do a movie marathon?"

"Sweetie, I'm fine."

Alexis looks doubtful. "You haven't been out of the house in a week. Is it because of the whole Gina situation?"

Gina had dropped by a couple of weeks ago to pick up a pair of earrings that she had left behind. She had stopped acting frosty towards Castle pretty soon after their break-up, though – as his publisher, she had to get him to make several appearances during the holiday season.

Castle knows he can't very well tell his daughter that his depression has nothing to do with the person he had been dating as it is stemming from the person he had been sleeping with on the side. He doesn't think it would set a very good example.

He changes the subject instead. "What about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Sweetie, I know this must be hard on you too. I'm just sorry that I had to put you through that again." Castle is sincere in his concern of how his relationships affect Alexis' life and he knows that she knows that.

"I know how you protect me, dad," she says, "Ever since I was little, you only introduced me to girlfriends that you were serious about and I appreciated that. Besides, I'm older now. I know that people break up. You just have to find somebody you're meant to be with." Alexis suddenly gets this starry-eyed look and Castle knows that she's drifted off into thinking about her boyfriend.

"You want to call Ashley now, don't you?" he asks.

She smiles sheepishly. "Kinda." She hops off the desk and gives him a hug. "You're getting out of the house tomorrow."

Castle chuckles as he watches his daughter rush off.

He's not really surprised when another redheaded figure appears in his doorway seconds later. "Mother," he says wryly, "Were you eavesdropping?"

"Well," she lifts up a shoulder, "I haven't been getting as much information out of Alexis lately."

Castle raises his eyebrows. "You think she's hiding something from us?

Martha laughs, "Hardly. I meant she has found a new and wise confidante in that Detective Beckett."

"And you're… jealous?"

"Quite the opposite. I'm glad that Alexis has found somebody younger to talk to – I'm in a different generation."

"Ha! Try three generations."

"Tut, tut. There's no need to be specific," Martha says, "Besides, I _am_ going to die one day and then who else is Alexis going to talk to about boys?"

"Mother, that's morbid."

"Says the man who's constantly on the lookout for more creative ways to kill people."

"Occupational hazard," he quips. "And how exactly do you know that Alexis has been talking to Beckett? She hasn't told me they've been hanging out."

"Well… I've picked up the phone once or twice by accident."

"Okay, _that's _eavesdropping."

"From the sounds of it, Alexis has already adopted her, if not as a surrogate mother, than certainly as a sister figure." Martha smiles, "Kate is a lovely woman, Richard, but," there's a loaded pause, "I'm sure you know that already."

Castle is annoyed that his mother is broaching the one subject he had deftly avoided for weeks. "Yes, mother," he replies sardonically, "I know how wonderful she is."

"Mhm." There's a familiar twinkle in her eyes. "And how long has it been since you started thinking she could be the love of your life?"

He doesn't even try to hide it anymore. "About two months," he answers.

"I thought so."

Castle slouches down in his chair. "Hey!" he says, when Martha turns to leave, "That's it? You're not going to tell me what to do about it?"

"I do not interfere in matters of unrequited love," she responds with a dramatic flair.

Castle rolls his eyes. "Oh, really? Since when?"

"Since I've realised that Katherine Beckett is the only woman who has given you a run for your money. The mere fact that you are still chasing her means that you really care for her. She's good for you, Richard, whether she chooses to date you or not."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, mother."

* * *

_A/N: :) Review time?_


	11. I

_A/N: This update is quite overdue but the holidays caught up with me so please accept my deepest apologies! _

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 11**

(I would never ask you to change.)

.

Another two days pass before Castle finally leaves his house, ending up at the one place he wishes he could avoid. Esposito, Ryan, and Kate aren't at their desks so he checks out the murder board and sits down in Kate's chair to catch up on the current case.

He actually jumps when she comes up behind him, saying loudly, "Get out of my chair, Castle."

"Jeez, Ka—Beckett. Don't sneak up on people like that."

She rolls her eyes at him. "I'm wearing three-inch heels, Castle. If you can't hear me coming, that's your problem."

He settles into his own chair, still holding the casefile. "Where did you guys come from?" he asks Esposito and Ryan as they move around some suspects on the murder board.

"Following up a lead," Ryan answers.

"Which turned out to be a bust," says Esposito. "This is our second weird case since you disappeared on us."

"Yeah, Castle, where did you go?" asks Ryan.

Kate chooses that moment to make a noise of irritation and shove her chair back violently before walking off.

Castle raises his eyebrows and Esposito and Ryan both nod.

"Yeah, she's been like that for a couple of days," says Esposito.

"We thought it was you but…"

"You haven't even been here, bro."

"We're thinking," Ryan starts conspiratorially, "Trouble in paradise."

"Yeah, motorcycle boy hasn't been around for _weeks_ but Lanie hasn't been giving up any kind of info..." Esposito stops Castle when he stands up, looking to follow her. "Man, I wouldn't go after her."

Castle shrugs. "She doesn't even have her gun with her. What's the worst she could do?"

Esposito and Ryan look at each other knowingly as he walks off.

"She could probably still permanently incapacitate him."

"Definitely."

.

He finds her in the basement, pacing the hallway in front of the morgue.

"You're a little tense," he says.

She doesn't respond, only the click clacking of her heels echo amid the silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He approaches her slowly like she's a stray animal and he's afraid to frighten her.

She takes four steps on the concrete before turning around to take four steps back, ending up where she had started. It is there that Castle places himself so that every time she returns, she actually brushes against him a little.

He waits a couple of minutes and when she still doesn't say anything, he decides to just broach the subject, knowing that she won't be able to stop herself from reacting. "So," he starts casually, "Is this about the no-sex between us thing?"

She's reached the point where she has to turn back towards him and he notices the slight pause she takes before spinning around. "I'm waiting for Lanie," she says.

"Uh huh." He's aware that she's slowed down her steps to delay having to stand close to him. "So, this whole attitude thing isn't because you haven't gotten any in, let's say, a month?"

She's standing in front of him now and she's almost eye-level in her heels. Her tone is steady and almost daring, "Who says it's been a month?"

She turns around again before she can see his mouth open and close without a comeback.

Finally, he grins. _If she wants to play this game, then fine. _He takes a big step forward and she almost crashes into him. He takes the opportunity to grab her shoulders and hold her still. "Well, it's definitely been one month for _us_. And if I were to bet, I'd say it's also been one month in _general_." His voice drops. "You're a little wound up, Kate."

His right hand moves up and his fingers lightly brush the side of her neck. She bites her bottom lip but her body betrays her anyway and she shivers under his touch. "I know," he says, placing a kiss on the exact spot his fingers had been, "because I'm a little wound up, too."

Castle can feel himself reacting to her proximity and he pulls her body closer to his, resting a hand on her back.

"Stop." Her voice is breathy. "We're in a public area."

"So," he says, his mouth against her ear, "We're surrounded by dead people."

She pulls away from him, the moment immediately broken. "Castle, that's creepy."

"Yeah, I heard myself after I said it but by then it was too late."

She extracts herself from his hold and leans against the concrete wall. She breathes out his name on a sigh, "Castle."

"Beckett."

"Are we having this conversation?"

"We probably should."

She pauses, and then, "I can't be with you," she states more than says.

"You broke up with Josh." It's a half question because he's almost positive that she has. Her silence only confirms it.

"It doesn't matter," she says.

"Well, then why?"

"Because I don't know you," she blurts out, "And the things I do know about you in terms of relationships aren't so favourable. You're just not… reliable." Castle is about to protest but she holds up a hand to stop him. "I trust you. When you're shadowing me, when we're working together professionally… I would trust you with my life, Castle. It's not that part that I don't know… it's everything else."

"I'm not always that guy," he says and she knows he's referring to his playboy persona.

"I know."

"So?"

"Castle, we just believe in different things."

He knows she's referring to his multiple marriages compared to her "one-and-done".

Kate continues, "And we're completely different people: I follow protocol while you're just curious and reckless; you spin stories and I look for the facts; I'm a _private _person while you're, well, you."

"Don't you believe in opposites attracting?"

"Except we're not opposites, Castle. We just don't… match. You're not the type of guy I date and I'm not the type of girl you would choose."

He doesn't contradict her; they both know, based on past history, that what she's saying is true. "Maybe I could be that guy," he says, instead.

Kate smiles a little at that, "Castle, I would never want you to change. And," she adds as an afterthought, "I don't think I could change either, at least, not the fundamental things."

"Kate, you know who we are?" he sounds discouraged and hopeful all at the same time. "We are two people who don't belong together except that we _belong together_."

Her smile is bittersweet. "That sounds wonderful on paper."

Castle truly believes it could also be wonderful in real life. It's just that Kate isn't ready to see it as more than a fantasy. "So, that's it?" he asks her.

Kate shrugs. "I'm not kicking you out of my life, Castle. And, I don't plan on ditching Alexis, either."

"She really loves you, you know?" he says.

A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. "I kind of love her, too."

They hear footsteps coming down the corridor.

"Can I still pull your pigtails?" Castle says, humour creeping back into his voice though it comes out a little strained.

Kate rolls her eyes at him. "I didn't know you stopped."

.

_**End of Volume (I).**_

_**

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**_

_A/N: Yeah. Seriously. This is where I decided to end it. Originally, my plan _wasn't_ to end it here at all but when I actually wrote it out, this ending seemed to just feel more honest. __**However**__, the initial trajectory I had been planning is still sitting as a document on my computer so, here's where you guys come in: would you be interested in a Volume II? _

_Either way, let me know what you think! You guys have been really, really great – thank you so much for reading and indulging me in my first foray into this fandom! - Violet_


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